Changes.

I could write a whole book about the many changes I have experienced. I’m sure many of us can relate! I’ve made so many changes that many people consider me a renaissance man (woman?!) of sorts because I have been known to make drastic changes and they seem to work out. At least that is what you can see from the outside looking in.

In early adulthood I became a wife and mother. I was working a job I despised which brought me a lot of mental anguish. I was in a call center which I still believe was a very abusive work environment. We couldn’t just request days off and they’d be approved. No. I actually got written up for taking off for my wedding despite having requested it off when we first set a date months in advance. We had to take call after call after call. If you get stuck on a long call it was dreadful because then your sup would admonish you for not adhering to your schedule. I could provide a laundry list of more examples but that isn’t what my point is.

I had to get out and fast. Against what most would consider better judgement I quit. I had no back up job or anything. I knew I was going to be a makeup artist. And I did. It was hard. Many changes and sacrifices were made but I grew a successful practice in Columbus Ohio. I was making a decent salary and could support my family and have the flexibility to raise my children. It was a win win!

My husband on the other hand was working dead end jobs. The opportunities for advancement in his field just weren’t in Ohio. So one day we decided to move. That’s literally how it happened and 2 months later he moved to Maryland while I stayed and helped the kids finish school. It was hard. It was uncomfortable but we had a bigger picture in mind.

When we made it back together as a family we settled in Northern VA right outside DC. It was a shock because everything was drastically more expensive. We knew but we had no idea honestly. Again more sacrifices were made and I was finally able to settle into my full time makeup career. I got to freelance at CNN, I did local celebrity gigs and worked in production (print and television ads). It was awesome. My risks once again paid off. However, 2020 happened. Covid was devastating. When the coast was semi clear to get back to work it just wasn’t the same. I lost my passion. I lost my confidence. I was still in mourning for what I had.

When you add a deployment to this mix it gets even more challenging. Nothing seemed to be going my way. I struggled to find meaningful employment. I was alone and depressed. I along with so many others were in a dark place. Going through my coaching program at Georgetown University was where I saw a light. I literally coached myself through the dark and also got professional help. I still see a therapist.

Change is the one constant of life. What we can control is how we cope with change. Healthy coping mechanisms include active coping and surrendering. Active coping is when you have solutions and you can seek options. You determine how you wish to respond. If the situation can not be changed you still manage your emotions which leads to surrendering. Surrendering does not mean just give up. It means you have a sense of acceptance. You have a grasp on what is and what is not possible and managing how you respond to things that are out of control.

Passive coping and over control are unhealthy ways to cope with change. When you are passive you are not actively dealing with your emotions. Blame is placed on other people and/or situations and there is a “woe is me” feeling. Over control is when you try to make it work when your efforts are as successful as putting a square peg in a circle hole. This coping method can lead to feelings of dread, overwhelm and anxiety.

I bring up these coping methods because I believe we have all coped in healthy and unhealthy ways. We are all human after all. One way we grow as people is how we respond to change and other stressors. I also think it is acceptable if we start out in a negative coping mechanism and acknowledge that is not going to work and move into something positive and productive. I know I have done it. When you are faced with your next bout of change, be still. Create your plan for how to get through it. Create a plan of action or be comfortable enough to roll with the punches. Either way, you’ve got this!