Identity Crisis

If you follow me on Instagram then you might have caught me going live to discuss something I have never publicly shared. I had gone through such an identity crisis when we were in the midst of the global pandemic. I, like so many people, identified as what I did; not who I was. When my identify of hair and makeup artist was involuntarily taken from me, I had no clue who I really was.

I had made it to a level as an artist that many people do not make it to. I was doing television commercials, national ads and freelancing for the most recognizable media outlet CNN. I had worked with super star talent, CEO’s and top models. I was quickly racking up the hours needed to be able to join the union. Joining the union means that I would have access to work on film sets. That was my next goal and no doubt I would have made it. 2019 Faith was sitting on top of the world and crushing each and every goal I set for myself.

Then 2020 came. It was filled with uncertainty. Because I was a freelancer it was incredibly challenging to get unemployment. Add to that the fact that I worked consistently in 2 states plus the District of Columbia and you have a recipe for disaster. My husband was still gainfully employed but we are a family of 4. We need all the income we could get.

For me, makeup was a way of life. The beauty industry can be very ruthless and cutthroat. You need to be very secure in yourself because some clients will try destroy your self esteem. I’ve found that no matter what, some clients just can not be pleased. Some people have their own insecurities and they will lash out at those closest to them. Now of course this was not my experience with everyone. In fact most clients were awesome. The bad ones, however, were really bad. I found myself comparing my work with others and being very critical. I was hyper sensitive and had serious anxiety when I would go to the newsroom. It was the best and worst job I ever had. There were a couple of very distinct incidents that I took as clear signs it was time to hang up my brushes. It has taken 4 solid years, but I have finally made peace with that.

A piece of me truly died that year. I was lost. My husband also ended up deploying leaving me to figure it out alone. This was the darkest period of my life. I gained so much weight. I was severely depressed. I am actually tearing up as I write this because the emotions are flooding back. This is the most vulnerable I have ever been about my life but writing about it is very cathartic.

I ended up stumbling along the way. I picked up bartending and mixology. And that has been fun; until its not. Late nights and drunk people are very draining. Add in your casual sexual harassment and you have a trifecta. I still do it to stay afloat but I will be so happy when I do not have to make another margarita. In fact I now stick to a simple vodka soda for its simplicity and low carb count.

In between, I did attend Georgetown University’s Institute for Transformational Leadership in their Health and Wellness Coaching program. I had no idea what a coach was but I said sounds interesting. I had no idea how life changing it would be. I knew it was meant for me to do it. I almost didn’t get to attend because of an issue with the GI Bill. They called me and said we still want you to come so we are paying for it. Won’t He do it!

It turns out I was a natural at coaching. I enjoyed learning all the various principles and theories. I have always loved helping people. I absolutely love what I do. However, work is work and home is home. I do not think about work outside of working hours. I learned from my traumatic experience. I try to find balance even as I grow my business. My children are almost ready for college and each moment with them is so precious.

I am ready to embrace my happiness in ways I haven’t before. I want to enjoy work without obsessing over it. I am enjoying this path of self discovery. It isn’t without its challenges but I feel free.